Thywheel Of Torture

Dear Thyroid,

That little breakdown in the middle of the shopping centre may have let our secret out. It wasn’t a big scene, but people generally notice a woman in her 30’s with the shakes, tears running down her face and the expression that says ‘impending doom approaches’.

I feel helpless to prevent it and weak for not doing so, since anyone I’ve spoken with while sick seems to, either have these symptoms but controls them or just doesn’t believe me. There are, apparently plenty undiagnosed thyroid disease patients, so perhaps they are right – perhaps I am weak for not being able to control it. My readings are all at the high end. I’m not low on T4 or T3. Perhaps it is all in my head and I am just looking for attention. Perhaps I am just a faulty model.

Feel anxious… frozen… frightened…fat… alone… nauseous… lazy… unintelligent… unattractive…achy… confused…unworthy…alone… alone… like everything I’ve built over the last 18 months with various ups and downs is crumbling and I can do nothing but watch. …and no-one to talk to.

Your only friend,

Jody.

P.S. Why did my throat hurt so much last week and why isn’t my brain working? I need to study dammit!

P.P.S screw it – maybe I’ll just have a couple of drinks so I can sleep it all away for now.

(Bio) I am a 33 year old Australian. I am not married and have no children…yet. For a living, I am an office manager and when not working I am studying towards a Bachelor of Commerce (Financial Planning) and managing my holiday rental. Goodness – that sounds so much more orderly than the reality!

Pharmathyroid… hmm

Dear Thyroid;

Have not heard back from you, so I was not sure as to what was happening.  Tried to go and write some more on Dear Thyroid, but was unable to find where to write.  Guess it is one of the senior moments or the thyroid.

Well, saw a new Dr., dear thyroid, and she seemed to listen and care. She stated that she would put me back on the medication that had worked for me in the past, but when I picked it up, it was a different one.  Holy smokes, my boobs exploded so much, that my tops didn’t fit. 😛 and I can’t eat.  The nurse from the doctor’s office called to let me know that my Vitamin D was way down and that I needed to be on some thyroid medication.  Hmmmm!  Sounds like she has not talked with the doctor! Then I explained what I was going through, so she calls back two days later, asked if the doctor called, which she had not.  So, the medication that I had been on, the doctor has ordered.  Yippee!  

I was so tickled to go to the pharmacy, which is the first in a long time. I gave my name, and my insurance company will not cover my new medication.  So, I walked away.

OK!  Thyroid, you will not win, you will not beat me. I will continue to fight, and I will win.

Look out insurance company my thyroid is screaming, but I will be calm….

Sharen

(Bio) I am 59 years young, with a wonderful supporting husband and a son who we are both so proud of.  I am an artist that designs names with positive thoughts for children and for adults. I look at things that are a challenge as gifts that we can either accept and enjoy or scoff at and not appreciate what this challenge is. Lady Morningstars Drawings

I Thyove You

Dear Thyroid,

How are you doing today? I hope that all is well with you and your Endocrine family. I know that when I have support in my life, things seem better. So I hope that you are supported by your many glandular friends.

My days, Thyroid, are on the mend. I have been researching about your devious ways, and now I feel empowered, and ready to fight back. But, my goal is for us to be friends, and actually work together.

Twelve years ago, I allowed you to take the reins, and because of that, you lead me down a very dark and scary path. My health was not good, thanks to you, and you had many doctors puzzled. I have to give you credit though; you are very smart and persistent. But, by you trying to be the master, you pushed all of your supporters away. And that pushing is what caused me to be infertile. What have I done to upset you so much? You know that having a child is a dream of mine, and you come along, and crush it. You can try all you like to keep me on the sidelines, and keep me feeling bad, but I am here to tell you that your time is up. I am taking back my life, and you are going to comply. 

Please do not be upset with me. I have spoken to your supporters, and they all agree that you need to work with us in order to be happy. Thyroid, how can you be happy, when everything else around you is so miserable? I thought you were intelligent enough to notice others’ discomfort.

So I am writing to you today, begging you to talk with us. What can I do for you that will enable our happiness? Is there something that you need, or require of me? I am very sorry that you have decided to ignore me, now that I am feeling better.

I really do need you, Thyroid, and I love you. Always know that you will be a part of me, no matter where I am in life. I really want us to be friends. After all that we have been through together, I don’t think that is asking too much. Please give it some thought, and in the meantime, I will support you as long as you need. 

Thank you for listening to me. I am here for you if you need to talk as well. And don’t worry; those feelings of rage, depression, and frustration have not been around in awhile, so rest assured that you will not be ambushed by them. The only emotion available to you now is love. 

* Arms open wide, waiting for an embrace*

Love,

Courtney

(Bio) My name is Courtney Hamm, and I am a thyroid survivor. I have suffered from Hashimoto’s for the past thirteen years. I have ridden the emotional roller coaster that we have all ridden, and it seemed as if there was no end in sight. I am 31 years old, and each day, was a challenge. But I refuse to allow this to consume me any longer. I am a figher, and I am going to beat this… just like the rest of you will.

What’s The Thyoint?

Dear Thyroid,

I don’t blame you.  I blame those vicious antibodies that one day decided to attack you.  I am most sorry that on my 36^th birthday, we were both told you were dying.  This was certainly ill timed, as I was experiencing my first I-am-getting-old-birthday. 

Than I discover, through no fault of your own, mind you that I have what the nurse called “A disease older women typically get”. 

Well, that is just fantastic. 

Eight months have passed and I miss you more than ever. Please don’t get mad at me for taking you for granted. I didn’t know how important you were. Your so called thyroid replacement; you know, a poor dead pig’s gland, just doesn’t do you justice.  I can’t get those levels right. I wake up in the morning feeling hung-over. I live in fear of all the bad things that could happen because of those rogue antibodies.  I am forever changed.  I worry that I will wind up like you-fibrosisized, ghostly and gone.  I hate self pity. I hate indulging in those kinds of thoughts, but I do feel them most days.  Most days when I see all food as the enemy, the enemies that will make me fat.  Most days when I am cold, despite the warm summer sun.  Most days when I drag my ass to the gym to somehow combat (kid) myself that my life is the same. 

We were both robbed.  You of your life and me of mine.  I don’t want to take a pill every morning. I don’t want to take a million supplements to try to negate the antibodies. I don’t want to give blood every month. I don’t want to ever have to say your name again. I want to take you for granted again.  I don’t want this to be my reality.  And by the way, if you are genetically so…stay the hell away from my son!

Jenna—