Dear Thyroid,
Did my last letter really encourage you that much? If so, then rock on! I say this because I feel like you’ve kicked it up a bit; that little bit of you that still works, is still working a little bit more, perhaps. And, I think you’ve been doing pretty well lately. Maybe it’s the summertime. What organ wouldn’t love summer? Okay, okay, so the skin doesn’t…. not without SPF 1,000,000, but the rest of us have been pretty happy lately.
Yes, Brain has been clear, and can recognize people, perform arithmetic, and knows where it is all the time. Mood has been stable and generally amicable. There have been no days or weeks in recent memory of Irritable Male Syndrome with its fits of uncontrollable object-smashing rage and wanting to go all STABBITTY on people, and then squish their gooey insides through our tightly clenched fingers. Yes, days have been good.
So good in fact, that yesterday we all were a bit horny. Mr. Mister down there was actually in the mood to go poking around for once. How long has it been now since that happened? … Well, I’ve forgotten, too.
This here brings up a problem. If Mr. Mister wants the hokey pokey, the rest of us are going to have to tidy up a bit. Chop, chop! There’s work to do. Let me preface this by saying much of this isn’t your fault. No, it’s mom’s fault for passing on certain genes from her side of the family. But really, do you have to make my hair and skin, and fingernails grow so fast lately? That’s another reason I know you’ve kicked it up a bit. My fingernails grew one-eighth of an inch just in the last 6 days! I have to trim my beard every other day to keep from looking like Z. Z. Top. And there’s hair everywhere because you’re growing it faster than I can handle it. I have hair growing in places I didn’t even know I had skin. Trust me when I say, the “Big Hairy Man” look went out of style in the early 1980’s. Besides, all this “wolfing out” makes me feel itchy. That’s enough to give me Irritable Male Syndrome itself.
So, I don’t know…. what’s it going to be for me? Feeling great, but looking like a gorilla and being self-conscious about it? Or, looking good and knowing I look good, but being too “blah” to do anything? Why won’t you let me have my cake and eat it, too?
—(Bio) Mike is 36 years old, and has suffered thyroid disease for more than 10 years now. He used to be active, but mostly he just rests too much. He’s the only male he knows with thyroid disease, but his older sister has it too (worse than him). Find out more about Mike by hitting his website.
Dear Thyroid,
Dear Thyroid™ 